Decades ago, when I was an overachiever—I’m a recovering one now—I viewed the New Year as a time to course-correct.

I’d spend days reflecting and journaling about the previous year. Then, I’d create ambitious goals for the new one—not just in one area of my life, but across all domains: relationships, work, parenting, and physical health.

My mindfulness practice, though, taught me that in many ways this approach was a form of self-aggression.

It came from a desire to fix what I felt was wrong with me and handed me a harsh ruler to measure myself against for the rest of the year.

A Kinder, More Effective Approach

Over time, I’ve learned gentler, yet equally effective ways to move toward my deepest wishes for myself and my life.

Key to it all is an attitudinal shift toward a more exploratory approach. As Jonathan Fields shares in the Good Life Project podcast, thinking of goals as directions rather than dictates and as experiments rather than edicts immediately helps me relax into the process of change and growth.

Instead of rigidly adhering to an inflexible goal, I’ve learned to adapt and review my priorities based on what’s happening in my life and on my evolving needs.

I’ve long had goals for exercise, including strength training, cardio workouts, and stretching. But when I was going through cancer treatment, those goals were impossible to keep. And yet, keeping small commitments to myself – going for an easy walk, doing a single, bodyweight squat- was still helpful and meaningful, which leads me to another insight.

The Power of Intentions

And that is that the word goal can create a binary trap.

We either reach a goal, or we don’t – setting ourselves up for a persistent feeling of success or failure. Instead of having brittle goals, I’ve discovered the power of intentions.

Intentions act as an internal compass. Rather than fixating on outcomes, they continually guide me toward what matters most.

Author James Clear shares a now well-known aviation analogy in Atomic Habits to illustrate this idea: tiny shifts in an airplane’s autopilot can send it to an entirely different destination. Small directional changes, sustained over time, can radically alter where we land.

Intentions hold the same power—especially when they’re rooted in our values and paired with concrete, actionable behaviors.

Using Implementation Intentions

Research shows, for example, that intentions—specifically, implementation intentions—often determine whether a “goal” is achieved.

An implementation intention is simply an “if–then” plan:

If this situation arises, then I’ll take this specific action that aligns with my intention.

Psychologist Peter Gollwitzer’s research found that people who form simple if–then plans are dramatically more likely to follow through—not because they try harder, but because they remove decision fatigue in the moment.

One of my overarching aims is to be a loving, supportive parent and spouse. Rather than holding that as a vague aspiration, or a goal that I can never measure up to, I’ve created a simple implementation intention:

If I see my daughter or husband in the morning, then I’ll give them a deep, connected, mindful hug—and tell them I love them.

That’s it.

I’m continually amazed by how much that small “if–then” action shapes the tone of my interactions with my family for the rest of the day. It reliably brings me back to what matters most and shapes my behavior in a beneficial way.

What Intention Feels Most Alive for You?

As you look toward the year ahead, what do you most wish for yourself? More patience? Less stress? Or something practical and evergreen for your health, like eating more vegetables?

Get curious about a quality or habit you might want to adopt or change. Then get creative about how it might translate into a simple, intentional if–then plan.

If patience is your intention, maybe every time you wait in line, you take three slow, steady breaths. If healthier eating is your aim, maybe you’ll add one extra vegetable to your plate at dinner.

If you want to stop interrupting your spouse (and this has nothing to do with me, by the way), maybe every time he talks, you’ll wait until he’s finished speaking – and pause for a few moments – before responding.

The possibilities are often kinder than we expect – and endless.

After all, it’s still January.

On My Mind