When I was a kid, I loved grocery shopping with my dad. Unlike my mom, he was less concerned about budgets or nutrition, so he’d load our cart with chocolate-mint chip ice cream and Hershey bars.
Grocery shopping still feels fun and comforting to me.
That familiar predictability has a name. Authors Nathan Furr and Susannah Harmon Furr, who wrote The Upside of Uncertainty: A Guide to Finding Possibility in the Unknown, refer to what I’ve just shared as an “uncertainty balancer.”
What’s an uncertainty balancer?
Uncertainty balancers are habits, rituals, places, objects, or relationships that help us feel grounded, secure, and even joyful during stressful times.
For some, an uncertainty balancer might be:
Petting their cat.
A weekly walk with a friend.
Re-watching episodes of Friends.
Wearing a favorite ring or sweater.
Meditating, making their bed, or exercising daily.
One of my mindfulness students found driving by her childhood home comforting. Another discovered vacationing in the same place every year created welcome ease.
Given the current political, cultural, and environmental tumult, knowing what helps us feel more grounded seems not only helpful but urgent.
The truth, however, is that uncertainty is a constant in our lives, and learning how to work with it is a lifelong skill. As mindfulness teacher Joseph Goldstein reminds us: “Anything can happen at any time.”
Those words took on profound meaning for me three years ago when I was diagnosed with breast cancer – an uncertainty I never fathomed. Cancer compelled me to work with the unknown intentionally.
My Biggest Uncertainty Balancer
One of the biggest uncertainty balancers I rely upon is my mindfulness practice, which helps me stay focused, clear, and rooted in the present moment.
Simply pausing to take a full breath, hear a crow squawk, or watch the wind rustle through the trees when my mind is filled with “what ifs” about the future seems miraculous at times.
Mindfully connecting to my senses reminds me I am here now, and in this moment, all is well; and if it isn’t, I can work with it.
I can also go to the grocery store to comfort myself.
Finding Your Uncertainty Balancers
To help you find your uncertainty balancers and explore how you can use them, reflect on the following questions:
1. What in your life or experience remains relatively unchanging?
2. Are there relationships, routines, places, or objects that reliably bring you comfort?
3. What routines or wholesome habits might you adopt to create more familiarity in your daily life?
4. If you’re going through a particularly uncertain or difficult time, when and how could you use your uncertainty balancer to create greater stability?
A Little Bit Of Good
“Phones aren’t bad. They just don’t belong in all social spaces.”
That quote is from Sean Killingsworth, a 22-year-old University of Central Florida student and founder of Reconnect, an organization that helps young people socialize in device-free spaces.
Killingsworth began Reconnect as a way to hang out with his friends and counter the grief and the social isolation we all feel at times when we pay more attention to our devices than each other. He didn’t want anyone to feel shamed or excluded for being on their phone. He just wanted to create alternative environments where people could come together for connection and presence.
Reconnect events include conversation picnics in the park, art jams to talk and paint, group hikes, and other events that encourage connection without devices.
You can learn more about Reconnect by listening to Killingsworth share his heartfelt and hopeful vision below.
Upcoming Classes
I’m teaming up with Cancer Support Community of Los Angeles to offer free weekly mindfulness drop-in classes for cancer patients and caregivers. No prior experience is needed, and all are welcome. I’d love to see you there.
