Kelly Barron

Mindfulness in schools, at work & everywhere

The Wisdom of Waiting

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“Everyone is just waiting,” Dr. Seuss wrote in “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” saying the most useless place is the waiting place.

Dr. Seuss is particularly poignant now.

We’re all waiting for a cruel winter to end and for a COVID-19 vaccine to go mainstream. We’re waiting to hug and kiss each other again, to travel freely, and to linger in restaurants over dessert.

Waiting is like a screen door that keeps us from going outside, while inside, we sit in frustration and anger about how our lives are on hold.

So much of our existence involves waiting; you’d think we’d be good at it by now. There are rooms, cues, and sidewalk benches to waylay us until the main event begins – until we get called into the doctor’s office, reach the grocery store check out, or the next bus arrives. Waiting is a cultural institution.

Nonetheless, we don’t like to idle our engines. We get antsy for packages to come, for sprained ankles to heal or for employers to tell us we got the job. Technology’s instant gratification and convenience only supercharges our inherent impatience.

The Gifts of Waiting

And, yet, there’s wisdom in waiting. Sometimes, it’s the only sane thing to do. Delays can be providential. And time has a way of honing our perceptions and skills in meaningful ways.

Leonardo Da Vinci started painting the Mona Lisa in 1519, working on it intermittently over several years. It was still in his studio when he died 16 years later. I could go on and on, naming other things –from slow-cooked stews to saplings to teak furniture – that benefit from biding time.

True, the cliché: “Good things come to those who wait” is an annoying bit of insight. It’s like the lollipop you got as a kid after the dentist yanked out your wisdom teeth.

But what if we took the bromide to heart? Could we open to the gifts waiting brings?

Auguste Rodin, the French sculptor who famously molded “The Thinker,” the bronze statue of a man lost (waiting) in thought, said: “Patience is also a form of action.”

Absorb the Details 

We can make waiting active by bringing mindfulness to it. We can notice what having our plans thwarted stirs up inside of us – the rat-a-tat-tat of thoughts of wanting things to be different, the tapping foot of agitation rippling through our body, and the fragments of frustration welling in our heart.

We also can use waiting as an opportunity to explore our capacity for patience. We can feel the steadiness of composure and notice how it differs from the hum of upset that typically plays within us like Muzak when we wait. We can even see if it’s possible to appreciate moments, weeks, or months of downtime.

Jennifer Roberts, a humanities professor at Harvard and an art historian, instructs her students on the value of waiting or, more specifically, “deceleration and immersive attention” through a creative assignment.

Before students write a research paper on an art object, Roberts requires them to spend a painfully long three hours attending to it. Roberts did the assignment herself, staring for hours at John Singleton Copley’s “Boy with a Flying Squirrel.” She said it took her nine minutes to notice how the boy’s ear echoed the ruff of the squirrel’s belly. It took another 21 minutes for her to realize the fingers holding the chain span the same diameter as the water glass beneath them.

More revelations came as the minutes passed, enhancing her understanding and appreciation of the painting. Robert’s exercise isn’t just about art history. It’s also about cultivating a deeper relationship with time and how we can use it more wisely—not to manage it better and get more done, but rather to let periods of slowness inform us. When we use our attention to soak up our experience, we can discover the wealth within our lives.

Doing so contrasts the hurried, get-it-done momentum of much of our daily lives. Sometimes, though, the most worthwhile insights about ourselves, others, and the world around us happen when we’re waiting.

Try the WAIT PracticeTo make a mindfulness practice out of cooling your heels, recall the acronym: W-A-I-T or Watch, Allow, Investigate, and Take a Breath.

  • WATCH the fireworks of reactivity you experience whenever you wait. Does impatience arise when the customer service representative at an airline, a cable company, or the DMV puts you on hold? Are you expecting things to be different?
  • ALLOW whatever is arising to be there. Waiting and impatience are a very human combination. Somewhere out there, others are waiting, too, and feeling just as frustrated as you.
  • INVESTIGATE how the act of waiting feels in your body. Do you clench your jaw and brace your core more tightly as each moment slowly passes? Relax and soften your body.
  • TAKE a purposeful breath in and out. Once, twice, three times. After all, you might be waiting a while.
This blog originally appeared on https://www.mindful.org/

A Dose of Holiday Cheer

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Truth and advertising often don’t go together. But the other day, I received a catalog from a clothing company emblazoned with a slogan I wholeheartedly support.

The catalog’s headline read: “If ever there was a year that needed Christmas, this is it.”

You can add Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and holiday happenings – ranging from drinking mulled wine to exchanging gifts – to the list of celebrations and merriment we all need right now. More than ever, we need a dose of holiday cheer.

How can we be upbeat in a year of such unprecedented calamity? Joy seems to be hiding from so many who are suffering amid an agonizingly long pandemic.

And, yet, even amid difficulty, there’s joy. It’s like the sun – a shining star that only temporarily retreats behind the cloud cover.

Of course, like anything we may have lost – car keys, a favorite scarf, or, occasionally, a child in the supermarket – we might need to look for merriment.

Having a mindfulness practice helps. One of the many gifts of mindfulness is the ability to concentrate on what we deem relevant. And we can make a mindfulness practice out of focusing on the good – whether it quietly arrives when we take our first sip of morning coffee or boldly chases away the cold, filling the room with warmth and wellbeing when we light the fireplace. The more we pay attention to moments of goodness in our daily lives, the more joy we feel. It’s a nifty little formula that has a lasting multiplier effect.

The other night, for example, my husband and I made a rare outing in locked-down Los Angeles to buy a Christmas tree. Getting a tree marks the beginning of the holiday season for us. It’s also a mixed bag of an event with tree trunks that frustratingly don’t fit into tree stands, shedding needles that hide in carpets for months and tree limbs that knock over vases.

And, yet, there’s lots of joy. There’s the convivial small talk with the tree vendor and the back-and-forth teamwork to tie the tree to the car’s roof. There are the Christmas tree lights and ornaments with their small gestures of love and memories. There’s also my ability to savor and take in the happiness of every fleeting moment.

Sometimes, periods of great difficulty can make moments of joy stand out just like a Christmas tree. In times of trial, we might find ourselves treasuring our relationships and appreciating those who support us more – from the grocery store clerk to the delivery person bringing us pizza and packages. It’s worth pausing and reflecting on the things that might get you in the holiday spirit. And, if you’re hard-pressed to find any, here are a few tips on how mindfulness can gift you with more delight this holiday season.

  • Slow Down and Savor: Unlike bold emotions such as fear or anxiety, positive emotions are often subtle. Much of the time, we need to slow down to notice and feel them. And whenever we do, it’s worth savoring them, so our bodies and brains recognize positivity whenever it arrives. Start small by noticing simple pleasures – a warm bath, a gentle laugh, or the cozy feeling of a well-worn sweater.
  • Hang Out with Joy’s Friends: Emotions such as appreciation or gratitude are like a red carpet for joy – they welcome its dazzling appearance. Practicing gratitude not only raises your wellbeing. It also opens your heart to the many small good moments that are available in your life. Beginning your day with a reflection on what you’re thankful for or writing down a weekly gratitude list is a worthy mindfulness practice to feel more grateful and appreciative.
  • Use Difficulty to Highlight the Good: No one wants to experience difficulty or to suffer. But sometimes, periods of difficulty can deepen our appreciation for what might be right or even just okay in our lives. However small it may be, we can direct our attention to whatever good exists and coax joy out of the shadows of hardship to visit us, if only for a few moments.
This blog originally appeared on eMindful.com https://emindful.com/home/

Finding Meaning in Difficult Times

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The other morning I got stuck behind a garbage truck making its early rounds. Realizing I wasn’t going anywhere fast, I took in the sights of my waking neighborhood.

As the garbage truck heaved and grunted, outstretching its metal arms to lift and dump garbage into its gaping trunk, I noticed a pajama-clad mother and her toddler daughter standing on their dewy lawn.

The little girl was jumping up and down, shrieking with delight at the garbage truck’s gymnastics. Watching more closely, I noticed the garbage truck driver and the little girl were playing a game. Between each can, the driver lowered the truck’s metal arms and clapped them in the air, mechanically saying hello to the little girl, who shrieked some more, jumped again, and clapped back.

The garbage truck rumbled down the street, and the mother and the girl waved goodbye, turning to go back into the warmth of their house. I already felt toasty inside.

For a few moments, the horrible news of the world receded, and I found meaning in the connection between a mother, a daughter, and a garbage truck driver.

Could finding meaning in difficult times be so simple? So ordinary?

We find meaning in tragedy by recognizing meaningful moments, says David Kessler, a psychologist and author of “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief.”

For me, connection with friends, family, and even strangers grounds a whirling, chaotic world and makes me feel a sense of belonging that’s easily lost during difficulty.

For you, what’s meaningful might be something entirely different. Maybe it’s going for walks in nature. Maybe it’s taking action, volunteering for a political cause, or organizing food delivery for the elderly in your neighborhood. Or maybe it’s making a mental habit of finding the good in the bad that matters most.

Whatever it is that matters to you when you pay attention to it, you affirm its importance. And you remember where the meaning in your life lies.

All of this takes a keen eye and a willingness to be mindful. It also requires receptivity.

I could have stewed in my car and impatiently tapped my fingers on the steering wheel as I waited behind the garbage truck that morning. Before I discovered mindfulness, I did that and lots of other agitated things. But mindfulness has taught me to slow down. It’s taught me to pay attention to the many ordinary moments that comprise my life. And in doing so, I’ve found meaning even in difficult times.

Here are three mindfulness-based perspectives and practices that can help you slow down and find more meaning in the ordinary moments of your day:

  • Break the Spell: Human beings are habitual by nature. Social scientists say that as much as 40% of what we do is automatic. That’s marvelous. We can brush our teeth or send a text without learning how to do it over and over again. But automaticity vanquishes meaning. Slowing down and doing an activity, mindfully infuses it with fulfillment. Next time you brush your teeth, take your time and notice how the toothpaste tube feels in your hand. Taste the minty freshness of your toothpaste and connect with the act of caring that brushing your teeth confers. When you attend to such small moments throughout the day, it lays the foundation for finding meaning in the ordinary.
  • Mindfully Reflect: Because we’re so habitual, many of us aren’t aware of what brings meaning into our lives. Take a few moments and with pen and paper, reflect and write down the things that make your life worthwhile. Some of the activities that make the list might not be easy or joyous. Caring for a friend who has cancer, for example, is hard and laced with sadness. But it’s meaningful.
Find Stillness: One of the benefits of a daily mindfulness practice is that it quiets the external world. Inside, our minds and bodies it might be very noisy. But by hearing the noise within us, we learn what’s worth listening to and what, in turn, might be most meaningful to us. Thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, whether they’re pleasant or unpleasant, are like an internal GPS, guiding us to our true north.

This blog originally appeared on eMindful.com. To learn more about eMindful’s interactive online and mobile mindfulness programs visit https://emindful.com/home/

 

 

On My Mind

Sometimes instead of searching for meaning, we need a delightful distraction from difficulty.

Fortunately, there are plenty of options. And often the ingenuity and artistry of others lifts my spirits and reminds me of how much beauty we’re all capable of creating.

Take a look at these Bonsai tree-houses and see if you feel the same. https://www.thisiscolossal.com/2012/02/bonsai-tree-houses-by-takanori-aiba/

Giving Thanks in a Pandemic

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The holiday season is upon us and it’s bound to look and feel different than any holiday season in the past.

With new lockdowns, school closings, and warnings from the CDC not to travel, the pandemic still has a firm grip on our lives. Many of us already are lamenting a dreary Thanksgiving and a downbeat to the rest of the holiday season’s festivities.

It’s certainly a loss not to spend time with distant family members during the holidays or forgo beloved traditions.

But I refuse to buy into the dread. Doing so doesn’t serve me. What’s more, Thanksgiving is a pointed reminder to reflect upon – even in a year of tremendous tragedy – what we feel grateful for in our lives.

If you find yourself straining to be grateful for anything this year, be kind to yourself. Stress has a way of narrowing our focus and highlighting the negative.

For most of this year, we’ve been operating on what resiliency researcher Ann Masten calls “surge capacity,” which is the ability to handle what needs to be, power through difficulty, and survive rather than thrive. In a crisis, we run on a cocktail of adrenaline and wits.

At the very least, the holidays give us an opportunity to be grateful for a few days away from our daily grind. And if we use them wisely, we can rest and renew.

A friend of mine takes this opportunity seriously and uses the time between Thanksgiving and the end of the year to create a purposeful blend of doing things she loves, feasting as well as fasting and spending some time in solemnity and prayer. For her, the holiday season is a time of personal and spiritual renewal.

Beyond being grateful for a welcome change of pace, we also can use the holiday season to incline our hearts and minds toward appreciation. We can intentionally widen our perspective and acknowledge the gift of the people, places, and things in our lives that otherwise, we take for granted.

Doing so doesn’t mean we deny our difficulties or the suffering of those around us. It merely means that we take in what’s also good in our lives.

We can do this by starting small. Whenever I lead a guided mindfulness meditation in gratitude, I ask those participating to consider being grateful for a simple object they use every day – a glass of water, a pencil, or the chair beneath them.

Often when I drink a refreshing glass of water, conveniently and instantly poured from my tap, I consider the 785 million people in the world don’t have access to clean water. Another 2 billion people on the planet don’t have access to a reliable toilet, according to the non-profit Water Aid.

Having such perspective softens my heart and expands my gratitude – even for a holiday season garnished with a bit of melancholy.

 

On My Mind

Gratitude, like any other habit we wish to cultivate, is a practice.

And there’s lots of sound research showing that gratitude is worth practicing. Feeling appreciative reduces anxiety and depression, enhances self-esteem, and even improves sleep. For some, keeping a gratitude journal works. For others, saying a few things they’re grateful for before bed ushers in a sweet slumber.

Often, it helps to have frequent reminders of the power of gratitude. To that end, watch the video below from Brother Steindl-Rast who has devoted his life to teaching others how to be grateful. Also, to learn more about practicing gratitude visit: https://gratefulness.org/explore/

The Power to Care

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Like the unraveling hemline of a beautiful dress, the world seems to be falling apart. Too many things are tearing at the fabric – a global pandemic, wildfires, protests over racial injustice, and political discord.

All of it can make you feel as if you have no control, no personal agency. And that’s a dangerous thing because helplessness courts despair.

Yet, I read something recently, from author Sharon Lebell, that lifted my spirits. And it’s this: “We always have the power to care.”

I often define mindfulness as a set of skills, with caring being one of them. What we pay attention to at any given moment is essential. But so, too, is how we pay attention to it. When we’re mindful, we’re able to attend to ourselves, others, and the world around us with care.

Lebell notes that caring unlocks the meaning within a moment. It also creates meaning in our lives. No matter how bad things get, the power to care gives us purpose. It connects us to something larger than ourselves.

A brief story about caring: A friend of mine volunteers at a homeless shelter: much of her work, which she loves, is organizing the shelter’s supplies – everything from personal protective equipment to maxi pads. After organizing and creating an efficient system, so shelter employees know what and how much they have on hand for the homeless, my friend feels satisfied. Shelter employees feel grateful.

But there’s a hitch. Shelter employees don’t possess my friend’s organizational skills, and for all sorts of reasons, they can’t maintain the system she creates. So, the Groundhog Day process of cleaning up and reorganizing happens over and over again.

My friend continues at this Sisyphean task because she cares and because those at the shelter, even if they can’t duplicate them, value her efforts. If nothing my friend does at the shelter lasts, her act of caring is sustaining.

I’m sure you can find countless examples of such caring in your life, work, and community. I believe it’s what quietly makes the world go round.

Of course, we can care too much. We can overextend. We can become co-dependent and unhealthy in how we relate to others, our work, and our pursuits. It’s good to watch for the telltale signs of unwholesome caring, which invariably involve stress, burnout, anger, and resentment.

But the power to care, when exercised with balance and awareness, is more potent than you’ll likely ever know.

The other morning, my husband read an example of this to me from a college student who posted the following on Reddit.

“My mother passed away last weekend. I emailed my professors to ask for a 24-hr extension. Prof #1 only gave me an extra 12 hours. Prof #2 told me to do the assignments for the week when I could & asked if I wanted to share my favorite memories of her instead. Be like prof #2.”

Even if the world is unraveling at our feet, we can still show we care.

On My Mind

Caring is an act of creativity that aligns inspiration to the heart. And there’s no limit on the ways in which we can express we care. A sweet example of this arose in Oregon recently when a five-year boy named Carver donated a Baby Yoda to keep firefighters company as they battled blazes ravaging the state. Baby Yoda now accompanies firefighters everywhere. Firefighters even have a Facebook group with 20,000 followers https://www.facebook.com/babyyodafightsfires/documenting Baby Yoda’s travels and how the small act of caring from a little boy created goodwill for thousands.