Kelly Barron

Mindfulness in schools, at work & everywhere

Thanks to the Unsung Heroes of COVID-19

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Before the COVID-19 pandemic, how many of you appreciated the work of airline reservationists, garbage haulers, grocery store cashiers, delivery people, janitors and housekeepers, waiters, and waitresses, cooks, and bakers, etc.

Like rambling Oscar winner accepting her award, I know I’m leaving so many others out.

But the cogs in the wheels of society are rarely valued until the machinery is exposed. And right, now, everything is exposed.

My daughter turned 17 yesterday. Her birthday was a quiet, at-home-sheltering affair with a Zoom session with friends and more time with family. A very bright spot: a birthday cake from a local baker, who I profusely thanked for her confectionary ray of sunshine. Who knew bakeries were essential and still open during a pandemic?  

The truth is so many people are essential to our civic functioning who go unnoticed or are only casually recognized.

We herald our doctors, but often forget our nurses, hospital administrators, or janitors, who are working extra hard now to keep things sanitized.

The seamless way packages arrive at our doorsteps shields us from the role package pickers, boxers, drivers (again, I can only guess how many I’m leaving out.) play in getting goods to us often within a day of ordering.

We love (for Trader Joes that’s not too strong of a word) our grocery stores, but typically don’t think about people inside them keeping shelves stocked.

A recent story in the Wall Street Journal mentioned how the pandemic might close our borders to new immigrants in the future, but noted that it’s immigrants who are doing much of the work on the front lines of COVID-19. They’re in the hospitals, in the grocery stores, and out mowing our lawns.

Many of them are afraid of getting sick, but they’re still doing the work because they need a paycheck or simply because they feel it’s the right thing to do.

All of it reminds me of the reflection I use before I teach students how to eat a grape mindfully. Before we begin, I ask students to picture a vineyard and imagine the causes and conditions that came together to put a single grape in their hands.

Sun, rain, and soil nurture the vines. Farmers tend to the grapes. Pickers harvest them, and factory workers package them. Drivers bring the grapes to stores traveling along roads others built. And grocery store employees set the bunches of grapes on the shelves so we can buy them.

Those are just the top notes in a series of mind-boggling connections involving a single grape. Every day, countless relationships allow our lives to hum along often without a glitch.

Once in awhile, it’s worth picking out an object – your toothbrush, your shoe, or your computer – and think about the invisible hands that brought it to you. It’s good to remember how connected we are and how many unrecognized people support us.

New Yorkers, like Italians, are leaning out their windows and banging their pots and pans to salute doctors, paramedics, and, yes, nurses as they battle a rising tide of COVID-19 cases.

Let’s do some “Hip Hip Hoorays” for everyone else as well. Feel free to thank the UPS delivery person, the grocery store cashier, and the smiling baker, too. 

At the beginning of COVID-19, I called Alaska Airlines to cancel a plane ticket. It took me a long time to get through. When I finally got to a representative, it occurred to me to ask her how she was doing. Surprised by my question, she paused. Then, she gave me an honest answer. She told me that the night before – after a long day of handling calls from frustrated and angry customers – she broke down and cried.

Everyone and, particularly those we don’t usually recognize, is trying to do their best right now. And that alone deserves our thanks.
  

On My Mind

Sometimes just a few well-written words can lift us from despair. The other day, I sent these lines from poet Linda Hogan to a friend, who told me that after reading them she could feel her shoulders drop. May they bring you ease as well:

Suddenly all of my ancestors are behind me.
Be still.
They say.
You are the result of the love of thousands.

The Covid-19 Time Warp

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The other morning I looked out my dining room window to see a now-familiar sight – kids and teenagers riding their bikes along the empty streets of my usually well-trafficked Los Angeles neighborhood.
 
As a kid, my bike was a source of freedom and discovery.
 
When I was 15 years old, I rode my 10-speed 46 miles round trip from my suburban home in Annandale, Virginia, to our nation’s capital. My mother was horrified when I told her where I’d been. But I still remember the thrill of coasting down the roads that wove through Arlington National Cemetery before heading across the Arlington Memorial Bridge into Washington, D.C.
 
Until recently, the kids and teens I know didn’t ride their bikes much.
 
But amid the COVID-19 pandemic, we’ve regressed socially. It’s as if we’ve drifted back in time to rediscover activities and ways of being with each other that were the norm before technology so enthralled us.

With at-home sheltering and lockdowns narrowing our entertainment options, long walks are a major attraction. Neighbors more accustomed to keeping to themselves, venture out onto their front lawns to share the news of the day over fences and hedges. Sometimes, at cocktail hour, they remotely raise a glass of wine in a sign of social-distancing solidarity.

Jigsaw puzzle sales are skyrocketing. Bread making is popular. And books have become treasured friends. Some of us are even living off the land.
 
I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve often been too busy or lazy to make use of the vegetables my husband grew in a small planter outside our kitchen. Home-grown kale went to waste. Now, I’m harvesting collard greens and chard like an urban farmer.
 
I don’t want to diminish anyone’s suffering because I’m acutely aware that some of us are suffering more than others as a result of the pandemic. (See below) But, I imagine, in some ways, the forced return to a 1950s-style simplicity is soothing to our otherwise jangled nervous systems.
 
As a mindfulness teacher, I am always promoting the value of slowing down and taking time to reconnect to yourself and others. It’s baked into mindfulness and meditation, and it’s one of the reasons why these practices are first-responders in times of difficulty. (Not surprisingly, sales of meditation apps are up during the pandemic.)
 
It’s challenging to feel at ease with so much uncertainty. But it’s worth bringing some mindfulness to notice what unhurried pursuits feel particularly good to you now.
 
Does strumming the guitar you buried in the closet, but have recently reclaimed bring a smile to your face? Are you enjoying the connection you have with your kids while playing a game of Go Fish? Maybe reading Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness for the third time, as my bookworm friend recently did, delivers you to a quiet place inside you.
 
If you’re still moving fast, while the rest of the world orbits at a slower pace, is it possible to give yourself a break – even if it lasts for just three full, purposeful breaths?
 
Hopefully, all of us will be back in our fast-paced world again soon. Perhaps some of the things we discovered when we had to decelerate our lives will stay with us. If not by design, maybe by intention. 

On My Mind

COVID-19 affects everyone. But it affects everyone differently. Joe Pinsker’s excellent article in the Atlantic magazine on how some segments of the population are faring better amidst the pandemic than others is a thought-provoking read. It invites all of us to have more compassion for those for whom the pandemic is particularly brutal. https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/04/two-pandemics-us-coronavirus-inequality/609622/ 

Highly Entertaining

And now for Some Good News. That’s the name of actor John Krasinski’s YouTube channel highlighting what’s kind, funny, and uplifting about the world despite COVID-19. If you’re feeling remotely downcast, and who among us hasn’t recently, I highly recommend it. Also, my friend’s son recently made a cameo on the show as his acapella choir group Squad Harmonix recorded a delightful opening promo that Kransinski picked up in this episode. Enjoy! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eg08rJGKjtA&t=39s

Mindful Leadership During COVID-19

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In the weeks since the coronavirus pandemic has unfolded, leadership on the world stage has been in the spotlight. We’ve had both good and bad examples of it.
 
Good leadership can take many forms. But we know it when we see it, and we can feel it.
 
Good leadership makes us feel as though someone has our back and that no matter what we face, we have a defined, if not always clear path, through it. Good leaders aren’t avoidant, and they’re consistent and as reliable as an oak desk. Good leaders also aren’t always severe. Sometimes they’re soft with plenty of kindness and empathy for those who endure hardship during a crisis.
 
Of course, that’s just my two cents. Shelves are full of books on leadership, and Business schools offer plenty of management classes.
 
Often, though, the qualities we admire in effective leaders are the qualities that mindfulness fosters. The term “mindful leadership” gets bandied about a lot these days for good reason. The self-awareness that mindfulness and meditation develop gives leaders a wide range of psychological tools to draw upon during a crisis – everything from open-mindedness to cognitive flexibility to kindness. 

On my Mind

When things are bad, why not focus on the good or even the inspiring. In terms of leadership, there have been some standouts in the inspirational category.

Here are a few of my picks. Also, watch the video below of the steadfast, but empathetic speech from German Chancellor Angela Merkel informing the German public of the necessary sacrifices they’ll need to make to contain COVID-19.

Merkel, by the way, has been leading from home. She’s in quarantine after coming in contact with a doctor who tested positive for the coronavirus. Thus far, she has tested negative for the virus, according to news reports. 

1) With only a few cases of COVID-19 reported in early March, Ohio Governor Mike DeWine moved swiftly to shut down large-scale events, schools, and sporting events. Some criticized him for doing so. But now he looks like a savant. 

2) New York Governor Andrew Cuomo hasn’t sugar-coated his speeches to New Yorkers about the COVID-19 hardships. His tough talk has motivated others to rise to the occasion, including legions of doctors, nurses, cops and National Guard forces who are now at the epicenter of the pandemic in the U.S. Here’s a link to the transcript of his rousing speech to National Guard troops. https://abcnews.go.com/US/read-gov-cuomos-moving-speech-defeating-coronavirus/story?id=69839370

3) Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti also has made unpopular but prudent choices such as shutting down parks and beaches after Los Angelenos flocked to them flouting social distancing requirements. 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLxrxyk_wYo
 
 

 

Making the Most of Social Distancing: Using Difficulty to be Kinder and More Compassionate

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With social distancing now an eerie and necessary norm, I imagine many of you like me are working from home and haven’t been out of the house much for weeks. Or, if you have, your outings have been brief – standing in well-spaced, six-feet apart lines at the grocery store or to walk the dog. Maybe you’re still out and about working on all of our behalves. If that’s the case: Thank you.

Here, in Los Angeles, there’s a collective hibernation going on that has now rippled out to the rest of the country. Throughout, the country and all over the world the coronavirus has changed our social contract with each other. It’s no longer kind to shake each other’s hand. It’s kinder to avoid each other. Empty parking lots are a sign of communal caring.

The other day I thought about all the generations before us, who faced difficulties, battling known enemies during war or invisible foes such as COVID-19. I thought about how they responded and how they sacrificed. My mother often spoke about how her parents planted a victory garden during World War II, doing their part to heed the government’s call so food could be more available to others.

It occurred to me that our part during this pandemic is to be exceedingly kind and compassionate toward each other. Richard Davidson, mindfulness researcher and the founder of the Center for Healthy Minds, recently wrote in a newsletter that social distancing is an act of generosity.

“When we train our lens of awareness on these acts of kindness, we can’t help but be moved by the basic goodness that lies at the core of our actions,” he writes.

Holding an intention to lead with kindness first and fear second – or even last – can take many forms. My sister-in-law, for example, has been the source of numerous mood-enhancing memes chronicling our comedic reactions to coronavirus and social distancing. Maybe it’s inappropriate to laugh during a time of suffering. But sharing a bit of humor to lift someone’s spirits is a kind thing to do. And small acts of kindness matter. What’s more, difficult times present endless opportunities to be decent.

When you’re at the grocery store, you can put one loaf of bread in your shopping cart instead of two so there’s more for others. When you pass someone – within a safe distance – on the street smile and nod in a “We’re in this together” sort of way. Cook nutritious meals or your family so their immune systems are strong. Get down on the floor and play Legos with your kids for the third time in a day, even though doing so bores you senseless.

Many of us are already rising above our anxieties to be kind. It’s good to focus on stories of how people are expressing compassion – whether its New Yorkers putting their children’s drawings of rainbows in their windows as signs of solidarity and hope or churches keeping daycares open for children of physicians and nurses in their communities. Stories like these are evidence of our better natures.

The other day a friend of mine shared on Facebook that her 90-year-old father was in lockdown at a nursing home and increasingly isolated. In response, another friend offered that students at her daughter’s school had begun writing letters to nursing home residents so they’d be less lonely. “Would her father like a letter?” she asked.

That story is a keeper. In the days, weeks and months ahead as we continue to face the coronavirus, maybe you’ll be creating stories of kindness, too. And, hopefully, years later when you look back on all of this you’ll know you did your part. 

On My Mind

For me, few things soothe the spirit like a good poem. Reading poetry in times of distress can transport us out of our work-a-day minds, filled with their worries and ruminations. As you read the poem below, linger over the words and allow the poem’s wisdom to sink into your bones. Do you feel better?
 

Blessing in the Chaos ~ by Jan L. Richardson

To all that is chaotic
in you,
let there come silence.

Let there be
a calming
of the clamoring,
a stilling
of the voices that
have laid their claim
on you,
that have made their
home in you,

that go with you
even to the
holy places
but will not
let you rest,
will not let you
hear your life
with wholeness
or feel the grace
that fashioned you.

Let what distracts you
cease.
Let what divides you
cease.
Let there come an end
to what diminishes
and demeans,
and let depart
all that keeps you
in its cage.

Let there be
an opening
into the quiet
that lies beneath
the chaos,
where you find
the peace
you did not think
possible
and see what shimmers
within the storm.

Mr. Rogers and the Resurgence of Loving-kindness

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As a kid, I was raised on a steady diet of educational television – the Electric Company, Sesame Street and, of course, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.
 
Lately, I’ve been nostalgically obsessing over the reemergence of Fred Rogers in popular culture.

First, I watched the HBO documentary Won’t You Be My Neighbor about Rogers’ work as a PBS television icon and Presbyterian minister. Then, I watched A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, the movie about Rogers staring Tom Hanks. I also read the original Esquire article the movie was based upon. Now, I’m reading Kindness and Wonder: Why Mr. Rogers Matters More Now than Ever by Gavin Edwards. 
 
Like I said, I’m obsessing. But Fred Rogers, who modeled compassion and emotional intelligence for millions of young and old viewers for more than 30 years, deserves every bit of renewed attention he’s getting. So, does the essential skill he practiced: loving-kindness.
 
Aside from being a quality of heart, loving-kindness also is a dedicated mindfulness meditation where phrases of friendliness and wellbeing are offered to others as well as to ourselves. No single tradition, though, owns kindness. And as Mr. Rogers showed us loving-kindness is best practiced when it’s embodied in everything we do.

There’s so much I could say about how unkind the world appears right now. But there’s also a groundswell of understanding that’s led to Mr. Rogers recently achieved folk hero status.

It’s the understanding that the scales have tipped too far toward mean spiritedness and that we need to weight the scales more heavily toward being good to each other again. If you pay close attention, you’ll see glimmers of this scale-tipping kindness emerging all around you like timid spring flowers.The other day, for example, I saw a woman in Trader Joe’s wearing a pin that said: “Make America Kind Again.” She was the most popular person in the grocery aisle.
 
In a mindfulness class recently, a classmate shared with the group that the old adage – “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” – was guiding her speech. It’s a subtle act of kindness not to contribute to the negativity that’s already circulating in the atmosphere. Not long ago, my husband began a habit of setting aside all of our aluminum cans, crushing them in the garage and then carting them to the curb in a single bag on trash day so those in need wouldn’t have to root through garbage to find them.

This has annoyed me. Cans waiting to be crushed loiter on our kitchen countertop. An alternative solution of storing the pre-crushed cans in a bag in the laundry room blocks my way to the hamper. I realize that my picayune irritation is standing in the way of my husband’s kind gesture. I’ll get out of the way now.
 
In fact, we can all get out of the way and let kindness flow more freely from us and more readily to us. Kindness comes in so many shapes and sizes that its limitless expression is an act of creativity and a celebration of the human spirit.

As the season of giving and goodwill continues and the New Year begins, it’s worth remembering there’s no single day or time of year to be loving or kind. Mr. Rogers was both year round and we can be too.
 

Highly Entertaining

Many of us are too young to have watched Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood during its amazingly long run from 1968 to 2001. To viewers today Fred Rogers’ slow cadence and gentle manner are almost jarring. That’s, of course, a shame. Aside from the loving messages that Fred Rogers imparted on air, he also showed us how much warmth emanates from being fully present. Watch this video and do the brief reflection Mr. Rogers offers to feel the vibrancy of his kindness. (You also can get a kick out of actor Tim Robbins’ shoulder pads.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Upm9LnuCBUM

Upcoming Classes


If you’d like to learn more about loving-kindness meditation, my UCLA MAPs I Introduction to Mindfulness class series begins Jan. 16th through Feb. 20th on Thursdays from 7 to 9 p.m. in Santa Monica. The six-week series is a wonderful way to begin an mindfulness practice and, of course, learn more about loving-kindness. The class series costs $200 and some discounts apply. 

 To register for the class go to:https://kellybarron.com/classes/ To read previous newsletters go to: https://kellybarron.com/blog/